Last year as some of you will know my marriage fell apart, I won’t go into the terrible details of how here but suffice to say it was the hardest thing our family have been through and wasn’t pretty for any of us.
While this was all happening I frantically searched the internet for ways to help me out of my situation – the facts were I had no money coming in, no money left in the bank, rent due,bills due, one daughter that needed mental support, support I needed myself and one daughter stuck in different country with college bills to pay and no way home.
It all seem too much and no one place on the web could tell me how to tackle this huge mountain I seemed to face which is why I thought of writing my experiences down here to help if some one finds themselves at rock bottom.
These are 10 practical tips to Survive Marriage break up – they will not tell you how to mend your broken heart or fix your marriage but will help you move forward.
1. First thing I did and the top thing I recommend is tell your family and friends – be honest no matter how ashamed or bad you feel, these people love you and are on your side and want to help.
2.Next contact you local Citizens Information Office if you have one.
I went in without a clue what to do and came out with at least a vague plan. They will tell you what you are able to claim, who you should contact next and give you a list of other agencies that can help.
3. Being a stay at home mum for the majority of my life I had to get back out into the working world so my next stop was my Local Intreo Office – or job centre. I will admit I was terrified and had no clue what to expect. But I was treated with respect by the staff and they told me what my options were and what was a available in the way of training and benefits and helped me see a way forward.
4. Tell you GP or Doctor what you and your family are going through – my youngest needed a lot of support though this, in fact she still needs it. My Gp was able to get her counselling and support which I wasn’t able to access on my own,
5. Find your Local Community Welfare Officer they will be able to tell you what help you will be entitled to if any and maybe be able to give you money to bridge the gap before any jobseekers allowance or other money comes in. You can also approach them if you are concerned about your living circumstances.
6. Don’t be afraid or too proud to take offers of help – I honestly would not of gotten by without the kindness of those around me. I had no car and when my neighbor kindly offered to take me to the supermarket it was honestly the best help she could have offered – I am grateful everyday for her help.
7. Contact your Utility suppliers and Mortgage supplies or in our case landlords immediately and let them know what is happening. I have found the more up front you are with them the more helpful they are at giving you leeway to pay – after all it is in their best interests in the long run.
8. If you find it hard to budget contact an association like Mabs or look online for budgeting plans like Good Budget they have great advice and lots of ways to help you manage your budget if you feel unable to.
9. If you need help with legal problems but feel you haven’t the money to hire a solicitor – there is Legal Aid available, there is a waiting list,so the quicker you approach them the better. If you can afford a solicitor get one straight away.
10. Contact your child’s school – this might seem a bit odd but in the long run was one of the better things that I did. My daughter reacted badly to what happened, if the school were unaware of things at home they would not have been able to offer her the support they did. They really did try and make things better for her.
I am happy to say a lot has happened in a year,things are better (even if I have had a health blip) and I am proud to say that not only did I pass my exams to get into college this year but I also am now in full time employment via an internship I was offered.
If you are in the scary position I was last year please know that no matter what you face, if you find yourself on the bad end of a break-up there is support out there for you and you too will get through this.
And you are always welcome to ask me for help as I have been there, so drop me an email and I will endeavor to reply quickly.